struggling with depression in a big way these days

untreated, or mistreated. that is the theme period.

so ive been phoning people or emailing them and getting no reply

or denials

saadia promised me in writing at the termination of our working together that she would see through those cases that we entered into together while working together.

i have it in writing legally

but she instead tells me today that she will not go to the mediation meeting with me.

im sorry but that is total bullshit.

mean spirited cruel and abusive considering legally she promised me she would see thru this and the one other case we are invovled in.

why say you will let alone in writing

when you wont.

then ive been trying to contact people about specific things from counselling to housing etc and they just dont answer; emails or phone messages it is absurd.

and the new landlord here has still not bothered to come by and give me his contact information.

my odsp worker and my old landlord went behind my back without my consult and arrange direct pay rent to him; i dont see how that is even legal; that is MY MONEY and they dont have any right to decide on direct pay or if i pay him myself;that is up to my discretion not theirs.

some nerve and the ultimate of disrespect. it is sickening how im treated here frankly. and yet then denied treatment.

so what im going to do is go to criminal injuries that promised me funding for a lifetime for counselling and see about getting a private practitioner. 

the lhin promised me funding and a treatment team saadia too


i have contacted them a million times too and they literally ignore me too

the head of family services windsor joyce zuk ignores me completely

cmha i have left messages on their intake like upwards of a dozen times and still no treatment.

it is ludicrous.

then the shit with the cops not doing anything for me ever; some guy on a distress line said to me that would be enough to put me over the edge sanity wise right there

bingo jack.

and  yet then they admonish and ridicule me for my aftermath. all things considered equal i have the self restraint of ghandi

i was unable to get to the wildlife center because i was just feeling depressed. i told them so and that i will try to get there next week.

riding went well. :) got to feed my mount a carrot. having fun learning new skills and doing fancier things with obstacles etc.

i also was able to saddle her by myself today ( with a bit of tweeging from becky)

i did it about five times until i got all the buckly leathery bits where they should be.  :) theres more to it than you would think let alone when you are dyslexic.but i think i finally got it now.

the number four is what screws me up everytime is it under or over.... and then the mans tie.


well practice makes perfect.

i am very disappointed in saadia right now just not acceptable

and now i have to go to that mediation alone

i might as well not go

because they fully bulldoze me and exploit the shit out of me when im alone.

not acceptable and being left with no support is not acceptable either six months now.

i also am having a hard time doing the things i like to do bone fida depression

i miss ezzy something fierce and think about jessicas kids a lot.

noogee isnt getting any younger either

on tuesday night some hairy fat man moved in to the unit next door to me

i have no idea who that is or what is going on there

i dont know if it was the owner just putting shit in there

i wonder if they are going to be living there themselves.

thatll clean up bobby and nadines act

or set it on fire if they are a bunch of partiers too and hook up

rolling my eyes.

sent savoy a halloween card in yearly tradition and she is still so mean to me she didnt even accept it

that is ridiculous.

anyways. whatever

it is tamis bday today

gotta feed cats tonight

ill talk to you later.


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