soggy ass shoes

It is so dark in here it looks like night time.... nothing more dreary and depressing than fall rain.

SO! where to recap.... what to recap

i went to see about a kitten

i met her when i was cleaning at the box store for the humane society ; you know the quarantined off quasi moto rabid animal scenario where they isolate me off because im supposedly the bad guy?

funny my work quality is still good enough for them to utilize me but i digress....

i met this little kitten ( yes i said kitten  OMG ) when i was cleaning last week.

She is so teensie and her fur is unique. I would clean and go back to her cage and unlock her to cuddle. shed cuddle and cuddle and cuddle

shed sputter out a mini purr.

i went on friday to see about her again.... i visited with her in the visitation room

had my little satchel carrier for her.

they already spayed her which i cant even comprehend.  she is way too little for that. i mean how big was her uterus.  the size of a dime? seriously so awful

and to me they botched it up. her belly is all lumpy and bumpy it doesnt lay flush against her skin.... i mean how would you keep a kitty that age and size still afterwards???

i feel so bad for her she looks almost herniated.

anyways she had her lumpy belly and she also had a red red butt.

I was thinking about calling her Scarlett lol so there you go.

anyways she was attacking my shoe laces, and eating my st francis charm on my necklace....

You cannot foster them; if we could have i would have taken her home.

they want you to pay a 200 fee basically which is ridiculously expensive especially if we are going to have potential problems with their botched done too early spay!!

so i left her.

sadly.  I really keep thinking about her and i keep telling myself if it is meant to be it will be.

I will check on her this week again and see if she is still there.

If her belly is improved under their care and her red toocis. or i will hopefully see her at the store when i clean. i just hope they dont put her to sleep.

i mean why would you bother doing her spay unless they are training people.... ? ugh. and then put her down.

she was super smart she came to her name when you called her

and she was a perfect mix of busy and likes to cuddle and responsive but independent

she actually reminded me of simeon and Esmeralda mixed together.... smart and fiesty. :)

Esmeralda played right until probably about six months before her death; every single night shed play a rousing game of mouse mouse or ball towards the end she loved the fuzzy balls.

I have kept one that was her favorite to play with.  Do you think i could find more of that model of ball ever after that?


she had two of them one was yellow and white and other was blue and white. she liked the dollar store furry mice before that

but im sure because of her mouth ( she was always having problems with her mouth/ teeth interesting that she ended up dying from jaw bone cancer almost signs all along of something there really looking back on)  shed rub that side specifically and she lick her chomps etc.

i tried to brush her teeth when i first got her at two and shed have nothing of it; being like what 28 maybe at the time i just didnt push the issue counted my losses and didnt brush her or simeons teeth for that matter.

she did not have cancer in the soft tissue of her mouth at all; so when you looked into it there was nothing visible.  It was in the jaw bone.  her right hand side. she used to rub that side of her face on the bathroom door all the time. i can see her doing it in my minds eye. i have her on video doing it too as i talk to her.


god i miss my Ezzy

it is two months tomorrow. the first month flew by the second month felt more like real time

i will spontaneously combust into tears sometimes if i go to hug patchy and she acts like well patches and pulls away or is nervous

i cry for my ezzy

i cry knowing that nugget aint no spring chicken either.

you figure my time in windsor and my time in toronto and the ages they were when i got them.

i figured i was in toronto for 9 yrs.

i have been here it will be 8 yrs on october 2. Them some old kitties.

so Simeon was one when i got her.  she died two years ago so 9+ 6+ 1 = she was 16 when she died.

Esmeralda was 2 when i got her so 9+8+2= 19 yrs when she died...... she was one month from 20 :(

Nugget was 0.5 when i got her so 9+8+0.5= 17.5 for Nugget herself.

dem some old kitties.

the only fault of pets is that they cant live as long as we HAVE to. frankly.

it is weird you feel like i cant live without you

then you are made to. and it doesnt seem fair i guess a more accurate way of saying it is i dont want to have to live without you.

that is the truth.

and yet i breathe in and i breathe out and i walk on.

until my number comes up.

i just hope when i go it doesnt hurt. or be involved in crime.

i wished that for my ezzy that she would have a peaceful unscary death

i mean as unscary as death can be.

at least that was one thing i was able to give to her.

no more suffering.  I wish i had done that for poor wee simeon sooner too.

ya this kitten is plenty nifty

we will see

if it is meant to be it will be.

I was offered a job but now i havent heard from the woman

story of my life frankly.

i have been applying for teaching jobs like crazy

all sorts of cities i never would have considered before

the salary this woman offered me? wooooooooo weeeeeee id be rich for me

i would go and try out the job and i would keep my apartment initially here as well

i would stay on disability too at first just to test the waters. i would have a place there,and i would rent this place here.

then if everything worked i would then make the full transition

and wow what a fantastic life i could make for myself.

scary but o so exciting if it could work.

I wouldnt mind teaching somewhere a bit closer to where i am now just for the comfort of familiarity some what

i just know i want a job and i want to teach i want to get out of the sterotyping that people put on me down here

as a psycho.

i am a whole lot more than people think i am

i am a whole lot more capable than others and even i think i am.

i just need a chance and to do it.

ill show em ill prove it to myself

i can.

i know i can.

I just need a place and a chance to try again.

free of bias.

i told tami i would even consider growing my hair to my shoulders and putting it in a ponytail if i have to

in order to get a job or keep a teaching job.

whatever at this point the job and my success are more important to me

i love my hair the way it is now

i like it and im comfortable in it

but other people are stupid haters and narrow minded

and if it would bring me 60000 a year to have hair in a pony

then so fuckn be it

i gotta look out for myself.

it is no different than someone saying cut your hair to have a job.

i would do that too

stupid yes but hey our whole society is so stupid

shooting black men just for being black

hands in the air doing absolutely nothing.

i mean that is the absolute epitome of prejudice.

and all white officers all the time. a bunch of white ass MEN that = police.

in the year 2017

ive been saying this for YEARS.

it is funny

for someone so supposedly cray cray

i sure am smart arent i?



anyways i guess the rain is not going to lighten up for me

so it is off to the gym for my weights in a monsoon.

fun times.

i went and did cardio yesterday and the woman that was working the desk looks at me like im a bug.

they all do in there and it is such small quarters.

it is annoying. i literally only go like three four times a week and i do my own free weights and running on the tread and rebounding on my own twice a week.


enough to use the gym

but not become a part of the gym really.

staves off more problems and doesnt get on my nerves as badly

my weird fucked up neighbor from downstairs comes up and is knocking on the unit door across from me.

i whipped open the door and she goes running down the stairs i said i didnt think anyone was living there?

she says bobby says shes been trying to get a hold of me all day?

im like what? i thought about it she must have meant the land lady perhaps.

there better not be nobody squatting in that unit across from MY FRONT DOOR.

thats all i gotta say right now.

anyways ill ttyl

hope the rain lightens up so i dont end up soaked to work out in. ech nothing worse than soggy ass shoes.

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