the humidity is mounting
i need to clean around here and i couldnt care less
gonna have to plug in that a/c shortly
since my moms neighbor is an equal asshole to her
and fucked me around
speaking of which
she makes me all upset and then assumes ill come like a dog for a pat to her house today
no apology to work her out
well fuck you honey
looks good on her
when i came out of the gym there was a message from her
are you coming
i wrote her back pretty much at the time i was due there and said nope i am just getting this now
so i had made other plans.
im sick of her blatant disregard bullying and abuse frankly
she is one sicko lately
like her crazy switch hits boy
i swear to you she is jealous of me
seriously i swear to god.
she is always trying to insult me or amp me up by upsetting me some how
yesterday i was all zen having come back from my time at the barn
rebel worked his magic and really centered me great therapeutic affect yesterday
i came home feeling better than i had all week
and i called her to see if she wanted to work out yesterday
instead of today because the weather was nice i had the time
had the energy
i told her that i was so happy i get to finish with my rebs.
and that he has recently broke out in hives.
id break out in hives too if i knew i was going to be cremated in two weeks.
of course i became beyond upset
and then she admonishes me for crying and getting pissed off at her
she says o well life doesnt come with a script
sometimes people say things that you dont like.
or my mommy dearest wack job does it on purpose
so she can get rid of me
which is what she wants anyways
my mom is who would like me moved away the most frankly
all of them ie family
i called aunt therese today to see how her first night being at home alone was
i wanted her to go to the barn day with me really badly
and she is leaving to go to the kids in alberta
she starts crying and says i dont want to be a burden to them
i said you arent she said i think they see me that way
i felt like saying
did you talk to my mom?
my mom says that to me all the time cruelly they dont want her around that is why they live far away
who is she to begin to know anything
she doesnt even know how to act
you should have seen her at the funeral
she is dilly dally says the stupidest most embarrassing things
since her stroke seriously
she has always been off the chain with me
but she is just unable to follow things anymore
then gets mad when people laugh at her
she loves when i get mad
then she can put me down for it
since i was a kid
revs me up like a bully bone fida
then mocks me for crying or being angry or whatever
she is a loo loo bird.
if i do stay in windsor
id be better off distanced from that toxic bitch
in plain english
the more time she is controlled by him
the more nasty she is to me
judgey judgey judge
him and her leave me out and go to all the kids things out in the county
rude as shit
and he loves that
that iron clad hold on her exclusively and she is such a piece of shit
she doesnt care with whom she is entertained
as long as she is
when he worked i went there three times a week sometimes and we hung out and i kept her company
now that he is retired i NEVER literally never have a private visit that isnt contrived without him around
or terminating it by showing back up
gone are the days of our leisure and enjoyment
and she is a user
i was good enough when he wasnt around
now that her preference is there
i can go fuck myself.
theres a mom.
yuck just sickly yuck
asked her if she would go to the barn day with me that i really want to see the horse demos with people who can really ride riding
i like to learn by watching and i never get to see people ride.
i literally begged mom to go with me
she says no.
even in the face of a funeral she never learns that we are here for a short time not a long time.
and treat people even me right.
hurtful doesnt encapsulate lemme tell you
then this woman that aunt therese works with through community living
i met her at the funeral and she kind of latched on to me
made a new friend she is young and lives on her own etc
and her worker doesnt want me to be her friend.
that is not nice.
this is my life.
she needs friends i need friends we are both disabled but both good people
and they think im a creep or lord knows what
even aunt therese said that is so good you guys should keep on talking it is good for the two of you
then her worker says no.
the subsidy thing still no movement
and i havent heard anything from the cbc poetry contest outcome.
i would be elated if i made the long list.
that is really my goal.
so off aunt therese goes and now i dont have her here.
she has gone off to see her kids indefinitely she said
she left it open ended.
i had asked her to go with to the barn
she used to spend time with me too
now she is gone. with losing uncle rick
it is like i lost my support too
and trust me my supports are in short supply.
i dont even have the love of my family.
i hurt so much all the time
and not a damn person listens.
crying at the top of my voice but no one listening.
nothing says it better.