nugget nagoo

This getting old shit sucks ass.

I keep having a problem with my one shoulder endlessly.

I plan on heading to the gym for just cardio i guess. shaking my head.

it has been bothering me non stop for a while and it really limits me in way of weights etc.

i slept in so late today for me that is why im super behind the eight ball big time

Fed cats last night.

still waiting on hearing about the housing situation here

and the cicb.

it is always waiting they put you in these waiting cues

then wonder why you are so bitchy

stressed out in limbo land. not having a clue what action you even need to take

that is NOT fair

if i knew for example it was a no go; then i know what steps i need to take to take care of myself.

if they leave you waiting until the last minute then you dont know what you need to do basically.

the manager of the gym said that she would collect cat food and yet when i went  yesterday there was  no box out of any kind for collections.

um tick tock honey

?

why say yes when you wont. or dont.

people get on my nerves.

so my brother has gone on that i need to apologize to him ive said i was sorry to him and megan like 8 x now

and nothing is good enough

it has to be in person blah blah blah

who does he think he is

that man is so screwed up he tries to control my mom and tell her that she should have nothing to do with me let me hit rock bottom he says to her

honey bitch like i already havent anyways

youd need to know me to know that

and why is that? he is so jealous of me and my mom being close just like my sister is too

he wont stop until he's alienated me completely.

thats his goal and his plan

he can speak whatever he wants to any of us do whatever he wants and he doesnt have to apologize ever.

like we are subordinate and he is the king on high

let alone in writing or in person! He is never made to take accountability for himself!

you think hed ever apologize to me for telling me to go kill myself?

he makes up his agenda to serve his purpose.

to get rid of me.

he is the epitome of my father year after year.

turning into him incarnate.

seriously scary

so he tells mom she has to apologize to megan

i do megan is like i love you i am not mad everything is good

and then what it doesnt change his position like mom said

HE DOES NOT WANT A RESOLVE.

and that is the truth

he talks about me having the balls to speak the truth; look whos talking

why doesnt he come right out and admit why he hates me and for years?

whats the root cause of your hate on dear?

can you speak that?

hes been mean to me and my sister too for years long before i was a "fuck up"

or ill or anything.

so whats the real reason for the hate?

my sister left me out of her wedding when i was in my undergrad for gods sakes

my brother wouldnt drive me home from waterloo hed drop me at a service station because he felt that my step dad should come and get me even tho he was travelling all the way home

he didnt want to drive to the city

!

he would come to toronto to maple leaf gardens around the corner from me and not see me

wouldnt take me to my grammas funeral both of them etc etc. so this has been going on for years.

this isnt just about

this.

and what does he need it written in blood

cuz it aint going to happen and i said to him if you didnt verbally pulverize people when they try to talk to you maybe i would apologize in person

it is such a scapegoating toxic family bullshit anyways

that im the one having to apologize

for what

seriously for what

existing? breathing?

fuck and you.

im so done with it

i might not like being alone on christmas

let the little jealous pouty needy boy have his momma all to himself

and his little sister hes jealous of out of the way

at least i wont be abused for christmas

or made to do all the dishes because i dont "work" quote.

fuck them

and merry fuckn christmas.

ill hang out with my nugget :)

and we'll have something tasty to eat maybe see a movie.

sounds good to me.

see ya.

nugget is here and wants a hug so i gotta go.

byeeeeeeeeee

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