This getting old shit sucks ass.
I keep having a problem with my one shoulder endlessly.
I plan on heading to the gym for just cardio i guess. shaking my head.
it has been bothering me non stop for a while and it really limits me in way of weights etc.
i slept in so late today for me that is why im super behind the eight ball big time
Fed cats last night.
still waiting on hearing about the housing situation here
and the cicb.
it is always waiting they put you in these waiting cues
then wonder why you are so bitchy
stressed out in limbo land. not having a clue what action you even need to take
that is NOT fair
if i knew for example it was a no go; then i know what steps i need to take to take care of myself.
if they leave you waiting until the last minute then you dont know what you need to do basically.
the manager of the gym said that she would collect cat food and yet when i went yesterday there was no box out of any kind for collections.
um tick tock honey
why say yes when you wont. or dont.
people get on my nerves.
so my brother has gone on that i need to apologize to him ive said i was sorry to him and megan like 8 x now
and nothing is good enough
it has to be in person blah blah blah
who does he think he is
that man is so screwed up he tries to control my mom and tell her that she should have nothing to do with me let me hit rock bottom he says to her
honey bitch like i already havent anyways
youd need to know me to know that
and why is that? he is so jealous of me and my mom being close just like my sister is too
he wont stop until he's alienated me completely.
thats his goal and his plan
he can speak whatever he wants to any of us do whatever he wants and he doesnt have to apologize ever.
like we are subordinate and he is the king on high
let alone in writing or in person! He is never made to take accountability for himself!
you think hed ever apologize to me for telling me to go kill myself?
he makes up his agenda to serve his purpose.
to get rid of me.
he is the epitome of my father year after year.
turning into him incarnate.
so he tells mom she has to apologize to megan
i do megan is like i love you i am not mad everything is good
and then what it doesnt change his position like mom said
HE DOES NOT WANT A RESOLVE.
and that is the truth
he talks about me having the balls to speak the truth; look whos talking
why doesnt he come right out and admit why he hates me and for years?
whats the root cause of your hate on dear?
can you speak that?
hes been mean to me and my sister too for years long before i was a "fuck up"
or ill or anything.
so whats the real reason for the hate?
my sister left me out of her wedding when i was in my undergrad for gods sakes
my brother wouldnt drive me home from waterloo hed drop me at a service station because he felt that my step dad should come and get me even tho he was travelling all the way home
he didnt want to drive to the city
he would come to toronto to maple leaf gardens around the corner from me and not see me
wouldnt take me to my grammas funeral both of them etc etc. so this has been going on for years.
this isnt just about
and what does he need it written in blood
cuz it aint going to happen and i said to him if you didnt verbally pulverize people when they try to talk to you maybe i would apologize in person
it is such a scapegoating toxic family bullshit anyways
that im the one having to apologize
seriously for what
fuck and you.
im so done with it
i might not like being alone on christmas
let the little jealous pouty needy boy have his momma all to himself
and his little sister hes jealous of out of the way
at least i wont be abused for christmas
or made to do all the dishes because i dont "work" quote.
and merry fuckn christmas.
ill hang out with my nugget :)
and we'll have something tasty to eat maybe see a movie.
sounds good to me.
nugget is here and wants a hug so i gotta go.