margins and moving on

so another door closes

someone else that i had held out feelings for bites the dust.

she posts on her facebook that she is no longer single.

like we couldnt see that coming a mile away.

so disappointed.

explains a lot tho; she claims to be a humanitarian etc but the truth is

she would never 'want' someone that was disabled or not viable in the market or someone she could brag for "having' or get something for herself, from.

i sent her a halloween card in yearly tradition as i have the past eight years.

she refused it.

i sent her the boxing glove charm and chain

never heard from her.

sent her a sympathy flower for her dad. and she ignored me then too

i was just never good enough for her.

i totally know why people kill themselves.

when youve tried all avenues and nothing is working for you

nothing ever will work for you

whats left.

void.

and how is void living?

if you cant do the things you want with your life, how is that living.

it is existing.

and theres nothing wrong with that.

but there has to be more.

however im not able to have it.

so i cant say i blame her for moving on with someone that is incredible successful beautiful etc.

why wouldnt you why shouldnt you

i guess she gave up on me too

a long time ago i guess maybe i never gave up on her

but she had written me off and aimed to ruin my life more

some ten years ago.

my landlord came in today to fix my drain

the counsellor that is supposed to be helping me here

with counselling is working over time to get rid of me herself

they are trying to get a subsidy for another municipality

but i wont be able to go anyways until jan

that ive decided upon.

it is so hurtful when you feel you are not welcome and no one wants you or values you here.

thats the truth

i volunteer

but no one would ever hire me

there are kids there with no highschool diploma

that are worthy of a pay check

but not me.

!

ever.

so i am thinking over and out

dunno whats best for me anymore

without ezzy girl

i am totally lost

truth.

my mom has a surgery on thursday

she is all paranoid about it

anyways i have to go feed the cats it is a feed night tonight

ive been thoroughly enjoying the mild temps and sunshine.

gnite.

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