i have no spirit for anything anymore
my depression is beyond depression
it is out of control and controlling me completely
my head hurts from slamming it at the wild life center
im sick of everything and i miss esmeralda something fierce.
this is my first halloween without my black kitty friend.
just bummed out.
went to moms to help hand out candy and just left and walked home
didnt want to be bothered spending time with them
they are so dis spirited and nasty wacko
cant even make something fun for me for one fuckn night
i hate him and i cant stand how wacko she is
it is ridiculous.
and so disappointing.
but more so because someone my age shouldnt need to be with them anyways
i should have my own friends house and family
and i have nothing.
but a concussion.
ive been so tired since it happened.
all i want to do is sleep and youre not supposed to why i dont undersand because that is how the body heals itself.
i did manage to go to the gym today
i did my cardio and then i did my free weights and spot work with mom before her head spun around in a circle getting all pissy psycho at dinner
fuck that i dont need that negative energy shit
im going to watch the shining and go to bed.
i dont even know if ill bother feeding my cats again tonight.
some guy called me about a job interview but in this town i dont trust it
i feel like it is a set up
i didnt hear from anyone for seven years and ever since the cops and the hosptial have blown me off it is weird suddenly im getting called for my teaching?
they are just trying to set me up
im not as stupid as they think i look.
so so much for that then.
i dont trust it enough to even try.
this is why i want out of here.
i cant even live here; not objectively without worrying that someone is trying to set me up for their agenda
if i cant live then why live here?
there is no objectivity or fairness or real chances given.
so there is no future for me here at all.
theres no future for me at all.