have one

had a fun time at zumba today my landlord has been harassing me for about two weeks now he texted me called me and knocked on my door repeatedly for two weeks saying he has a key to the laundry room for me. i texted him back said just...

created me to be

got invited to an interview and i was excited about it a little bit mentioned it to mom i told her i had a dream that i had had a huge dump we laughed. i told her i had dreamed i was working again. she says, "im sure youd shit your...

oppressive

heres another one for ya to give you perspective on this "town" and its experience for me. it is always flying in my face. i feel perpetually spat in the face. i go to get my hair cut the other day no where to go there is no where where...

please!

hey quick note to say im alive. well as in in existence anyways. so much going down these days dont know where to start to begin. Nugget is definitely slowing down dunno how long she will be able to be with us Amata patatas is at my...

true love

i laughed at savoy dancing as bud at pride 2017 on tracey erin's public vid and Savoy obviously trash talked me to her? why? are you really that insecure about yourself and your relationship that you think if i talked badly about you...

Dear Rebel

  Dear Rebel       Where do I begin to thank you for all that you have given me?       I don’t think it is possible for me to even find the words, but I thought I might try.       When I first came to the barn, I...

says it better

hey the humidity is mounting i need to clean around here and i couldnt care less gonna have to plug in that a/c shortly since my moms neighbor is an equal asshole to her and fucked me around speaking of which she makes me all...

literally

hi feeling so totally frustrated tonight my mom gets into an argument with me on the phone going on about easter and virtually scapegoating the fact that my brother argues with me and abuses me but some how if we fight it is MY...

wont

really really struggling i am having a major confidence crisis and people are merciless in their judgment and gossip i just have to get out of this town. i just have to find a way to get out of here they contribute everything to my ptsd...

out

I don't want to go back to counselling at all now except my horse back. This place has no confidentiality and they are all interconnected and one and the same. You think you're talking to one person alone in confidence and you are talking to every...

nugget nagoo

This getting old shit sucks ass. I keep having a problem with my one shoulder endlessly. I plan on heading to the gym for just cardio i guess. shaking my head. it has been bothering me non stop for a while and it really limits me in way of...

why bother

there are women ( and men sometimes for that matter) that i have been attracted to; interested in but the truth is that i am not a viable option in this society. period. people can say they are for equality and equity blah blah standing up...

over and out

this is totally hopeless im never going to get out of here. ok if thats what happens but im never going to have the life i want for myself. ie. working with animals; FOR MONEY not for volunteerism but for money im sure after 17 yrs...

sick

long day stupid workers that are getting paid and doing nothing to help me i need advocacy right now and legal representation and housing help bam spot on and i have all these workers that are retained and working for me supposedly...

ugh

wow so i went to the gym today constant commentary and harassment it is incredible. from other members and mainly the staff. shaking my head. insanity im too exhausted to even go through it then im supposed to get a half hour phone...

margins and moving on

so another door closes someone else that i had held out feelings for bites the dust. she posts on her facebook that she is no longer single. like we couldnt see that coming a mile away. so disappointed. explains a lot tho; she claims to...

i will

I find when i participate in things outside of my comfort zone i end up feeling worse for because i cant stand that im disabled and even when i have growth and progress i feel depressed, because i am still not where i want to be in way...

even more

Well. where to start? so our new owner is such a bigoted douche bag and the ones before that, that i have never been provided with his contact information although all other tenants have been handed such. just not me; because im disabled, and so...

unacceptable.

struggling with depression in a big way these days untreated, or mistreated. that is the theme period. so ive been phoning people or emailing them and getting no reply or denials saadia promised me in writing at the termination of our...

depressed

i have no spirit for anything anymore my depression is beyond depression it is out of control and controlling me completely my head hurts from slamming it at the wild life center im sick of everything and i miss esmeralda something fierce....

much longer

tired of being alienated instead of appreciated   tired of being berated instead of belonging.   tired of being barely tolerated instead of celebrated.   and i cant stand the hurt and sting of the rejection that much...

concussion?

banged my head on a clip thing on the front of a cage at the wildlife center; gouged my head open a bit. i think i have a concussion tho i feel dizzy and funky and it hurts more than it looks. kind of bugs out my eyes too kind of makes me...

try something totally new

i feel sad today i am so tired of the dismissive annoyed disrespectful attitude that people have with me. They think that if they allow me to participate, they are being kind some how. No actually you are simply permitting me my basic civil...

soggy ass shoes

It is so dark in here it looks like night time.... nothing more dreary and depressing than fall rain. SO! where to recap.... what to recap i went to see about a kitten i met her when i was cleaning at the box store for the humane society ;...

never dawned on me to mind

Honestly in losing Esmeralda and my mom really in one fall swoop this summer It has been like a wrecking ball of reality has hit me between the eyes rattling my head with no mercy. It never dawned on me before to mind how alone i was or am in...